While I was going through the Making Peace with your Past class, I discovered that my Dad was an Alcoholic, and allot of attention was placed on him, if he wasn’t happy no one in the house was happy. Often he would stay gone until after time for me to go bed. He would be at the bar drinking. Mom would be upset because she had cooked dinner only for him to not call or show up.
I also discovered that I was not allowed to show emotions, often I was told by father not to be cry baby or it wasn’t worth crying over!
Often the problems within the family were not discussed, even though it was pretty obvious to everyone within the walls of the home things were not how they should be.
I was the only child for eleven years until my brother was born, I so loved him, until I found myself jealous of him. Everyone soon became focused on him and pretty much stayed that way because he was more emotionally needy than my self. As I reflect about my childhood before we was born it is hard to remember anything. I STILL LOVE HIM TO THIS DAY AND HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, MORE ABOUT THAT AS WE GO.
I began to learn that these were the feelings that were OK,
Enjoying a Meal!
Solitude!
These were feeling that were not OK,
Sadness
Pain or Sickness-You don’t need a doctor, you are fine or you will be fine. ( I still struggle with this one today, and have on occasion said it to my own children)_
Anger
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