Understanding Your Family Of Origin

Scripture To Grow On!

There is now know condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because trhough Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakended by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likenes of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not ive according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit (Romans 8:1-4) NIV

A dysfunction family focuses its attention on an emotionally needy family member.

For me in my family that needy family member was my Dad, he was an alcoholic and when he want drunk he was perfectionist. My mother struggled to keep him content. The other emotionally needy person my brother. I dont even remember life before he was born and we are twelve years apart. I often remember the thing I looked most forward to was Mom cooking my favorite meal and just locking myself up in my room with a magazine,chips and some music.

A dysfunctional family places limits on the expression feelings:

I remember always being told not cry and that I was never sick enough to stay home from school unless I had a fever.

I have learned that it is okay to have negative feelings about Family Members it does not mean that you do not love them. You can reflect on you painful childhood and still respect you parents. You can face your past and its pain and still have ongoing relationships in the future.

IN SOME WAYS ALL FAMILIES ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL! To begin healing from a dysfunctional family past you need to be willing to break the be silent rule!

The hardest thing for me in the beginning was to admit that I came from a dysfunctional family, that had to mean that I myself was dysfunctional. As it turns out I was right, but the encouraging part is, that through Christ I am released from the shame of the dysfunction.

Say Out Loud, " That you accept Christs' Love for YOU! You should say these at least five times a day for a week.

How My Family was Dysfunctional

While I was going through the Making Peace with your Past class, I discovered that my Dad was an Alcoholic, and allot of attention was placed on him, if he wasn’t happy no one in the house was happy. Often he would stay gone until after time for me to go bed. He would be at the bar drinking. Mom would be upset because she had cooked dinner only for him to not call or show up.

I also discovered that I was not allowed to show emotions, often I was told by father not to be cry baby or it wasn’t worth crying over!

Often the problems within the family were not discussed, even though it was pretty obvious to everyone within the walls of the home things were not how they should be.

I was the only child for eleven years until my brother was born, I so loved him, until I found myself jealous of him. Everyone soon became focused on him and pretty much stayed that way because he was more emotionally needy than my self. As I reflect about my childhood before we was born it is hard to remember anything. I STILL LOVE HIM TO THIS DAY AND HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, MORE ABOUT THAT AS WE GO.

I began to learn that these were the feelings that were OK,

Enjoying a Meal!

Solitude!

These were feeling that were not OK,

Sadness

Pain or Sickness-You don’t need a doctor, you are fine or you will be fine. ( I still struggle with this one today, and have on occasion said it to my own children)_

Anger